This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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