Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
