He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
