ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
