that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
