I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Ladies don't puke and tell
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
