the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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