How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize