His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
