Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
