He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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