im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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