my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
