my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
