we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
