Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize