it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
he's single and there are thong briefs.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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