Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
