I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
