I don't think brook has ever known best
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
