He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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