Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
