'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
