everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
