why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
