what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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