Umm I'm too high to move.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
