8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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