Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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