Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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