i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my sisters under your porch take her home
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
