i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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