In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I still have a little drunk in my system
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
