you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
