May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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