just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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