i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
