for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
