I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
