Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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