I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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