this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
