No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Success! We fucked roommates!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
