How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize