he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I need to sanitize my soul.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
