I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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