Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
