he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
