my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
