When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
