I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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