What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
