ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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