Pappa wants mamma naked
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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