North Korea, Best Korea!
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
