so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
