what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
