This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
