I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
