Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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