just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize