I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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