I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
