im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just forgot I was standing up.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
