I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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