note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
