my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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