remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
