So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
