When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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