I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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