that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
