guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Found the puke drawer
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
