i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
