I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
