Will you blow on my dice?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
