Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I pour the whiskey from now on
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
