you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How naked do you want me to be?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
