I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
