I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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