When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
