guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
