I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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