all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
