If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sorry about my life...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
