Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He passed out mid-signature
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
