So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
