do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
