Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
