Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
