i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
