I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
