The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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