a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
