Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
