What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
