i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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